I just realized that it has been over a year since I last posted. Apologizes all around, although I'm sure no one really reads this.

I know I had an Italian post in the making, but my attention lately wanders dramatically, especially since there's nothing to keep it tied down for any extended period of time due to me being out of school and unemployed. It seems as though every day it's some new path of knowledge that I'm following, although it should be noted that all paths are connected (such is the old saying, "All roads lead to Rome") : my current reading is about the Great Depression in Kansas (I am dismayed at the lack of primary sources from this time period), and this came to fruition because a) I'm unemployed partially because there's a freaking depression happening right now and b) I'm all about sustainability (something that the husband loves to make snide comments about) at the moment. In my mind's eye the Great Depression was the height of American sustainability efforts (and rightly so considering the environmental impacts that the all-out capitalism of post-WWI wrought), and once WWII had passed the country somehow stopped with the victory gardens and the desire to make everything stretch as far as possible. I've often wondered why or how that change took place; of course, when speaking of history it's nigh impossible to pin-point a moment in time and say "Here. Right here. This is when the paradigm shifted."
However, today I came across an interesting tidbit that got the ol' brain wheels a-turnin': it was a comment about how the "American Dream" changed from the desire to be self-sufficient to the desire to have wealth. And it's true - we've gone so far away from Jeffersonian democracy that I ask myself if this great experiment that we call American democracy has failed. I don't think it has, but it feels as though lately it has been on the brink of failure. Maybe that's just the national social anxiety of the times leaking out. I read an op-ed in the NY Times today by Friedman that was basically along these lines - that we're no longer concerned about our freedoms (and I mean this in a Lockean sense) and we're more concerned about the Almight Dollar and what status we can buy with it. Not everyone is like this, thank goodness, but the crux of our culture is definitely centered upon it. I'm hoping that this sudden down-turn in our currency's buying power will remind us of the bigger things in life and help us regain some of our lost freedoms.
Anyway, all of this nonsense stems from my desire to be a homesteader (I am obsessed with the nineteenth century like whoa) and to ween me and my husband off of the grid, at least as much as we immediately can. This entails me making as much as I can from scratch and remembering how to do things with my hands - knitting, building stuff, being crafty. All of this not only satisfies my desire to "get back to the basics" but there's also an economical force to it: we're saving money. Why go out for pizza when I can make it at home for a fraction of the price and circumvent all those arguments about what toppings we should get? Granted it takes about an hour to make a pizza (mainly because I make the crust from scratch which means the dough needs time to rise) and by the end of it my arms are sore because of all the kneading (yay, burning calories!), but it is still a lot better for us - both for our wallets and waists - to go this route. Plus, it gives me satisfaction where by all means I should be in a self-pity mess like I was the first stint of unemployment (I graduated from college at the worst time in the history of American universities). Nowadays if it wasn't for our constantly rising bills (not that they rise per se, but the number of bills we have to pay has seemed to rise) I would not be enthusiastic at all about going back to the work force. Can I be a stay-at-home mom, minus having children? Please?

Tomorrow, weather permitting, I am going to tear up the little side garden next to my house and get it ready for planting. We'll probably have another freeze or two before spring officially sets in (which makes me so sad; while I was walking to the library today I spotted a group of daffodils by the mortuary (the irony did not escape me) and I wanted to gather them up because I knew they would not survive through the week). At least I have time to plant things; I know the tulips are starting to sprout and that always makes me anxious that I should be planting things or that I should already have things in the ground. I long to farm and yet I have no idea about any of this; hopefully this year I'll be successful at growing something. I can usually get things to sprout and then it all goes awry. I don't know. A friend has some land and asked me if I'll join her in getting that started, and I think the parents are doubling their operation (I have dreams of the eggplants from last summer. Oh, so amazing.) this time around. Another goal this summer is to branch out in the kitchen and use produce that I've never actually used. What is this fennel and kale that you speak of?

I've also been reading Michael Pollan's "In Defense of Food" and I wish the library had "Food Not Lawns" on the shelf, but no. Pretty much every book that I've wanted from the library is either check-out or lost, and has at least 3 holds waiting on them. It is times like this that make me wish I still worked in interlibrary loans. I would have this stuff like *that.*

My rabbit is asleep. I've only seen him sleep like, twice. I'm going to take this as a sign that I too should be asleep. Silly crepuscular animals.